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dieing to live

Location: Manitoba, Canada

Monday, October 31, 2005

Oh my Soal

A Wave Has Crashed.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

The Burning

Today I’m burning a few things
Some words I thought I’d never say
A picture of him, under my pillow, stashed away
Some things I thought I wasn’t forgiven for
Some reasons I thought I didn’t deserve to live no more


(But) in the past few days
You’ve shown me there’s a way
If I just pray
You’ll call my name
And bring me back to you
And there will be no tension
The relationship won’t be strained
But there will be something gained
When you call my name
And bring me back to you


Reaching for the last match
I break
And start thinking about the past again
What if I hadn’t paid
A little more attention?
What if I actually said the things I wanted to say?
I’m glad I didn’t, and you spared me anyway


Here you are every morning
Pumping me up so I can start up again
Saying, “today is a new day
Get up and I’ll give you another chance at The Great Race”
I can’t see your expression
But I know it would be your game face
You’re ready to play


You wake me up every morning
And storm this castles gates
Though broken down, you know there is somebody inside
Sleeping, waiting for day
To break the dawn
With a new prayer
With a new song
For a new sake
To right a new wrong
I turn to face you, God
To hold your gaze, knowing you’re not gone
Just invisible to the naked eye
You’re the new day
Sometimes the whisper through the trees
As you call to me
The Spirit, alive, warm in my body
The ever reaching glow of the setting sun
The never ceasing show of brightness in the heavens
You hold my gaze
Like a good friend shakes an others hand
You say, “Welcome to a new day, a new start, a new chance at The Great Race.”


Here you are, always
To witness my mistakes
Showing me there is always a way
To clear this slate
And get out of this state
By the calling of my name
As you bring me back to you
As I strike the match
And this paper turns to flames
I’m burning up my past
At the beginning of a new day
You hold my gaze
An invisible embrace
As you call my name
And bring me back to you

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

almost but not quite

I’m tired of school and friends and being superficial. I wish I could sleep on the matters of my life, and never have to relive them again. But right now I am living them. Friends turn away, I change, they change. Suddenly the voice of the crowd is all I hear. I’m left to face the world alone. An emotion that I’ve never felt washes over me, life spills and shatters to the floor, leaving me to pick up the pieces. I wanna forget, I wanna scream as loud as I can with no pillow to muffle my voice. A voice in anguish, the world feeding it solitary confinement. A voice in pain and suffering. My hands flex in rage at a world of hatred, raining insults at me like stones, hurling spit at my face their voices clear.

Rejected, I fall to the floor on my face, and bleed. Lying here I close my eyes, the scream stops, and footsteps grow faint. I open my eyes and look into the eyes of a man, eyes full of pain too, yet merciful. They hold me, such eyes as these can only be from one. The world behind him shifts, then picks him up on two planks bound together; nails in both his hands and feet. They watch him in his pain, laughing, cursing, and spitting.

His eyes search the crowd, then fall on me. His pain does not distract him; his focus is me (us). Me, a slave to a chaotic world, bound and in shackles, staring at the key. He watches me, seemingly listening to my mixed emotions, then simply nods.

Suddenly he is beside me again, this time lifting me up and wrapping his arms around me. I blink, he is gone, but his arms are wrapped around me still.

The shackles have fallen, but the scars still run deep, and I am left on my knees at the foot of the cross. Scared, but not alone, crushed, yet not defeated. Displayed at the feet of Jesus; where soon you will find me dancing.