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dieing to live

Location: Manitoba, Canada

Tuesday, January 10, 2006


For some reason, I’m stuck again
In a world I know, and another that I am not so sure about
I really wish that I could write better than this tonight,
But sometimes the tongue over powers the pen
The things that I could once touch are still here,
But I can not feel them
Where I once was happy, darkness now lurks
A cloak, draped over open wounds,
Me, a skeleton of a person,
Like the hollowness of an empty house,
I am but an echo,
A person less worthy of anything, let alone anyone else,
I wish I could find Love, and when I found Him, to Love Him back,
But here I stand, shadows haunting my every step,
Deep shadows of those who touched me, and disappeared
I hurt them for it, and to some extent, have never really forgiven myself for that,
Though all of them forgave me
It was I who was lost, me who didn’t let them in
With deafening silence, I pierced their souls,
Or so I thought,
That silence left me, a mess never to be reckoned with,
A screaming whisper,
A hollow house,
A shuddering cold,
A match that refuses to be lit,
And so many more things that I wish not to list, yet I feel I could go on forever
I pointed my finger at Love, and blamed Him
I pointed my finger at Love, and called Him a murderer
I pointed my finger at Love, until all of me was out of me,
My whole life displayed for Him alone to see,
All my faults and frailties,
All the chains and castles and crowns that contained me,
I screamed at Him, and I didn’t care if the mountains heard,
I cried His name until I was mesmerized by it,
I screamed His name, until my voice became a whisper,
And my knees became weak
When it was over, a new silence swept over the calm,
And I found myself accepting Love
And out of the darkness, a dim match was lit
I fell on my face, and He lifted me up
First lifting my body,
Then bringing me to stand
Then holding my hands in His hands
And when He gave me strength, and stayed by my side
I raised my hands, and offered Him my life,
And when It was all said and done
And someone asked how I had battled with the darkness and won
I lifted my hand and pointed my finger at Love.

Though we hate to admit it, sometimes we hide our fire and we say things we don’t mean. And when finally all our friends are offended, or hurt, and leave, the war is not over, though the battle’s seem to be. We find ourselves alone, fighting away every spirit, even the Spirit of God. But even though we turn away, He accepts us back, when we finally realize who we’re pointing our fingers at. And even some of our friends do that. But sometimes we refuse to forgive ourselves, and sometimes that is worse.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

This Place, my Protection, my Stomping Ground

This place is a symbol,
And a portion of my reality
This is the foundation where my faith was built
The place where I found a stone and turned it into my mountain

This place and all the people gathered
To embrace what really matters
This place and all its familiar faces that never change
I’m amazed I’m one of those scattered few who found it
This is a thing everyone is searching for,
The shape that must be seen,
Or touched in order to believe
Has somewhat disappeared
When I’m found right here
Just standing on this surface
I somewhat catch the words
Teaching that I have a purpose,
Even if its shown to me in pieces
I still see it
And being here,
Having these familiar faces to back me up
I can complete it
And this butterfly,
I can set it free.

If you just believe
You will see the tears have stopped for a reason
You won’t have to call on them for release
Because it brings peace
Knowing that people
Believe in you, too.

All of these people,
The ones who seem to just be there,
Whenever the cold chains catch you by surprise,
They are really rare

They know the times where you’ve messed up
They know when you need to back up
They know the time where you need to speak
And they won’t let you shut up, not even when you weep the words
Because these words have rolled out deep
The scroll of your being,
Your inner thoughts
Them alone displayed for all to see
When they are revealed
Don’t think of what others will think
Just think of those who believe in you

This place, a place where my feet finally hit the floor
This place is for real
And it has opened the doors
To something far beyond the reality that I face
A room with thousands of memories is like a picture
There are thousands of words to describe it,
But the moment that you are there, you can not think of one.

This place, a part of who we were, and who we are
And a part of what we are becoming
This place, let it be in a building, or on a game field
This is our stomping ground,
Were we are found
Whispering from our inner core,
On our knees, or on our feet, but on the floor
The place where our hearts were first set free
The very first time someone said,
I believe
In you.

This is our stomping ground.
-Barbie Friesen

A stomping ground is a place where you feel comfortable. It’s the place where you have been the happiest person, the saddest person and where you have shown people where you are and who you are. The reason I mentioned game field, is because that is where the people on the team can show who they really are, and what they really have, the treasures the gifts, their curses and their wish. This is our stomping ground, where those around us back us up and believe in us, the place where those people help us out, even if they don’t realize that they are doing it, they help us to believe in ourselves, and in others too.
This is our stomping ground.

This poem was inspired by Kristen and Kevin Dick, from their speaking on December 4th 2005, as Kristen spoke of her brother and sister, praise God for her strength, and complete conviction.

Blanket of Fire, I've Layed Down my pride

i kneel down before you
and i bow my head
there's no way i can ignore you
cause your radiance has spread

A blanket of fire
is wrapped around my frailties
a banquet of flowers
replaces them all

Corridores mark different spaces
places dear to your heart
the dungeon of my soal has been open
the locks have been broken
as your love has set us apart

the waves have receaded
the evil has retreated
as your glance has destroied its dark
your love has prevailed again
victory is ours
yuour fire has been revealed again
and triumphed over the evil's black heart

and here i am standing strong
my sword drawn
and my shield at my side
i'm ready to fight again
for i have layed my pride aside
with the promise of a new life.
with the promise of a new life.